Home with Mitch

Baby Mitch

August:

We receive a message from K (Max's birth mom) asking us if we have thought about growing our family as she is pregnant again.  We reply back that we are approved to adopt, as we felt strongly to put our papers back in in March.  I send her all the info for our agency.  

We don't hear back.

September :

We receive a message from K  that she is intending to go to Utah to place a baby for adoption with Heart to Heart, and would like to meet Max.   We reply that we would be happy to meet her and bring Max.  

All through the night I kept thinking, she must have disregarded our first message that we would love to adopt again and our agency info.  Since our initial contact in August, Kendall and I had prayed and felt peace that we should not adopt from Heart to Heart as the financial strain on our family would be too much to bear.  

I was restless and when I finally fell asleep I dreamed that K and her boyfriend placed a baby in our arms.  I woke up with the urgent feeling that she had not gone to Heart to Heart yet and we needed to tell her what options we could offer.  

Kendall and I attended the temple that morning.    The feeling I had was that we were not too late and we needed to act now.   We sent a message that asked if she was still considering us to parent this new child.  She said that we would be perfect but that we were not able to use Heart to Heart so she figured we were not interested.  We asked if there were things that Heart to Heart was offering that she needed.  She replied that she needed help, housing, and to get out of Minnesota.  We asked that she give us time to see if we could offer the same things.  She responded that she would.  

We then proceeded to make a mad dash of phone calls to our case worker and case workers in Salt Lake City.    After a long debate about what K needed and what our agency could provide it was decided that we would do a private adoption with an adoption attorney in Salt Lake City.  

There were many Heavenly guided moments throughout this whole process.  Finding our attorney was one of those.   Lds family services in Salt Lake city gave me a list of attorneys, after calling all of them there was one attorney that gave me the name of Larry Jenkins and said he was one of the best attorneys to work with.  After a phone call to Larry we felt confidant that he was the man for the job.  

Larry informed us that we could provide housing, living expenses, and medical expenses .   Everything that K needed.  We contacted her again and laid out a plan, with a budget, and details on where she would stay and what the plan would be.  She replied that it sounded great and she would love to place this baby with us and keep Max and his sibling together.  

And so began our journey.....

One evening during the beginning of all of this I attended the church Relief Society meeting with my mom and sisters.  I was praying in my heart for guidance through this adoption.  The overwhelming feeling came over me that we would need to prepare for a very difficult time.  We needed to "fight" for this child.  I came away with the feeling it wasn't going to be easy but so worth it.  

I had no idea how true that would be. 

After a few weeks of no contact and we were wondering if this adoption was really going to happen, I messaged her and told her we were thinking of her and hoped she was doing well.  She replied that she was ready to come to Utah and proceed.  

The plan was for her to drive as she was bringing her puppy with her.  We agreed to the dog as our thoughts were she will be alone and going through a very difficult time.  She will need the comfort of her dog.  

At this point I am not sure how much detail to put in.    This is the point where usually the agency takes care of the birth mom and are there to provide what she needs and the professionals step in.  We were trying to work with a birth mom that needed more than we could provide.   This is also the point where we learned to rely on our Heavenly Father and many people said many prayers for us.  There were many hard times and many small miracles.  Everyone we worked with to provide for our birth mom was more than reasonable and wonderful to help us.  Many many thanks goes out to those wonderful people.  We learn that even though things may not work out like we would hope, they do work out.  There were many times that we thought we had lost this baby and adoption opportunity.

Monday the 12th of November... scheduled delivery.

She is scheduled to go in at 9:00 am to be induced.  She needs money before she goes in and so we figure that out last minute.  But she manages to get there even though a little late.  We are so apprehensive that it won't work out because it seems nothing does work like we hope .

The last message we hear it that we need to tell the hospital that she will be late, but we never hear anything more.  We assume she is there and we plan to leave around 10. We arrive at 2:00 pm.  We meet R her boyfriend, in the entry and he tells us that she is getting an epidural.  We tell the nurse we are there and they direct us to the waiting room since she is receiving the epidural.  We end up waiting there the rest of the evening besides a break to grab some food.


Waiting.... we were very well acquainted with that room.

 It was an answer to prayers.  We didn't realize until later but K was having a difficult time and it was probably better that we were out of the way.   Around 6:00 pm they say that she is at a 3 and things are going slow since the baby's heart beat is slowing down they have to slow the pitocin.   We pray things are okay and keep waiting.  Around 11:30 pm the doctor comes in and hands me a sheet of paper with Mitch's foot prints.

 A very surreal moment.  She says he is a healthy baby boy and weighs 7 lbs 3 oz and is 19.5 inches long.  We are so relieved.   I ask how K is doing and she says that she is holding the baby and wants some time with him.  But that she is doing good and seems much better since the baby was born.  We continue to wait but the feeling in the room is disbelief.  We cannot believe he is finally here.

Around 12 am, the nurse brings the baby by and says we can go into the nursery to cuddle him.  We have to provide our license so they know who we are and that we are the hopeful adoptive parents.   We go into the nursery and they provide us with rocking chairs and we sit down and they hand us this beautiful baby boy.  The boy that we had prayed for and hoped for.   I am in awe that he is here and that he is healthy.  This little guy that we have gone through so much for and wanted so badly, he is finally here and we get to meet him in person.   Tears want to come out but I man handle them back in as much as I can.  I hate crying in public.   He is beautiful.  He has so much hair!   We both take turns holding him.  We take a few pictures.  Pretty soon we see K in the window watching us.  We go outside and give her a great big hug and tell her how beautiful and incredible he is.  We talk about how much hair he has and how big he is.  She goes on to her room and we go back into the nursery.  We watch a while longer and the nurse asks us what we are going to name him.   We tell her Trey or Mitch, but that the kids really wanted Mitch so that he would have an M name like they do.  They agreed with Mitch as well because he can't feel left out.

We leave the hospital around 1 am and take R back to the house.  It was a beautiful night and prayers were heard and answered once again.

The next morning we pick R up and head back to the hospital.  We stay in the nursery all morning and are there when the pediatrician checks him out.  He is healthy and well.

  Around noon K asks for the baby back and we tell the nurses that we will leave for few hours so she can have some time with her baby.    For these next few days we are very aware of the fact that this is her baby.  He is not ours until she says so.   We respect her time with him.  How can we not?  She is giving us this beautiful gift and this time is hers.  We leave and go to the lawyers office to settle the last minute details which include her court appointed lawyer that will have her sign her relinquishment papers.  They try to set up a time around 9:30 am, K says that she will not sign anything before noon.  So they arrange for noon the next day to sign papers.

We go to lunch, and Kendall suggest the Lion house.  Which is exactly what I need.  I need comfort food and a happy place.  We enjoy our meal and I take in the comfort of  Temple Square.  It has been such an emotional roller coaster, that I soak in the spirit of Temple Square.  It has such a soothing effect on my frazzled nerves.  We take a moment and go to the Christus to sit and ponder everything that has happened.   We have the over whelming feeling of peace and that God is in control.

We  reluctantly leave and go to the mall to buy a take me home outfit.  We haven't bought anything as we know with adoption nothing is for sure.  We find some two cute outfits to purchase.

We go back to the hospital and Mitch is waiting for us.  We feed him, change him and snuggle with this sweet boy.  We snuggle with him most of the day and leave again for dinner and come back to the hospital about 8 pm.  Once again we take R home and go to Kendall's brother's house again to stay another night.  We thank God in our evening prayers and pray that tomorrow goes well.

November 14th, Placement Day.

We receive a phone call early from my mom that Madeline is very sick and they are taking her to the doctor.  I am a mess of nerves and so worried about her and how this day will play out.
We arrive at the hospital at 9:30 am.  We go to the nursery and the social worker is there and proceeds to tell us that K wants to be medicated and that means we cannot sign papers until 2:30 pm.  (She cannot be medicated when signing papers.)   Things get a little dramatic and I leave the room  to go into the bathroom and kneel down to pray.  I plead with Heavenly Father to take care of this baby.  He needs a home, at this point it doesn't even have to be our home but let him go to a good family as K doesn't have the means to take care of him.  I tell him of our desire for this baby and how we would love him, but ultimately I just want him in a good home.

I go out and they say that K is ready to sign and to get the lawyer here immediately.  A  miracle.   They call the lawyer and he says he will print the papers and come as fast as he can.  Another answer to prayers, I mean how many lawyers can just pick up and leave?

He arrives and talks to us for a few minutes.  He then goes into K's room to sign the paperwork.    Things don't exactly goes a planned, but then eventually she says that  he is ours she cannot deny that.  The social worker comes in and says that she signed the papers!

A true miracle.  This special little guy is going to be ours!

The lawyer comes in and we sign our papers.  He is amazed at our story and that it has worked out.  Every nurse there was so happy that it worked out.

We pulled out the blanket and outfit we had bought the day before.  The nurse commented that everything still had tags on, and we told her when you adopt you are never sure you are coming home with a baby.  It is a strange feeling trying to prepare for a child but not... you hold back just in case it doesn't work out.  I mean, is it easier to buy everything and get ready but possibly have to take it all back or do you prepare by mentally being ready to let go and not bring this child home.  It is very difficult.

We dressed him and the wonderful nurses gave us all the freebies they could.

While leaving the hospital we see K and she says Mitch looks so cute in his outfit and we hug and say good bye.  She watches us load him in our car and drive away.  Bitter sweet feeling... I am so happy yet so sad that she is losing something and we are gaining something.  

I immediately call my mom and shout "HE IS OURS!"  She just breaks down in tears.  This has been SO emotional for so many.  

After placement we drove to a timeshare that we booked for the week, we were required to stay in Utah until some paperwork was completed by Minnesota and Utah.  We settled in and were overwhelmed that it was all over and we had Mitch with us.  The kids and Grandma and Grandpa Lane came the next day to stay with us. It is a beautiful reunion.

Max was more interested in food.

Gotta love the first family photo!

On the Friday after placement we took Madeline, Max, and Mitch back to Salt Lake  and met with K and her boyfriend at a McDonald's with a play place.  It was a good experience and we had a good time together. 

We stayed in Ogden from Wednesday, until Monday when we were told we could go back to Idaho.  

 Home felt so good.

By Monday, K still hadn't been able to get home to Minnesota.  Kendall had offered to take her and her boyfriend back home and Monday night she asked that he do it.  Wanting to be home before Thanksgiving, Kendall and Scott, our brother in law, left home at 8 p.m. and picked them up in Salt Lake.  They drove straight through to Minneapolis and arrived there at 8 p.m. the next night.  They were home late Wednesday night.

Kendall also had the wonderful opportunity to meet Max's birthfather Davis.  

His account:

On the way to Minnesota, I (Kendall) decided that I would like to meet Davis, Max's birth father, while I was in Minnesota.  I contacted him and he agreed to meet at his house.  It was a very good experience, he was very nice and concerned about how Max was doing.  He looks so much like Max in so many ways.  His face shape, ears, hair, eyes, and smile are totally similar. He was fun to talk with.  I asked him if there was anything he wanted to know about Max.   He said that from the pictures he had seen, that Max was a lucky boy and we seem to be a really happy family.  He asked what I do for work and I told him. We talked about him a little, he said he really enjoys construction and building things.  He said he would really like to meet Max.  He was very nice and offered us dinner and a bedroom for the night,  we had to get going so we thanked him and started our trip home.  My experience with Davis showed me that he is a genuine, nice person that really cares and wants the best for Max.

We are filled with love and respect to our children's birthparents.  Most especially K as it was her decision to sacrifice herself in a very real sense to make sure these boys were in a family and well taken care of.  Nobody can understand what emotions one would go through when making such a difficult decision.  She is one amazing woman and our hero.  I know that things were difficult on all counts, but we have nothing but a very deep respect and love for this wonderful woman.